The Dentist

Yesterday I went to the dentist because I am a very bad boy who doesn’t floss behind his ears. I had two cavities that had to be taken care of, and this new dentist I had never been to before was going to do the taking care of.

The following are the thoughts that went through my head during the visit.

“This nurse is asking me a lot of questions I don’t know the answers to. I’m embarrassed. I really should know the name of my old doctor. I bet she thinks I’m stupid. That’s ok, I think I think she’s stupid.

Oh crap. They’re going to have to remove two cavities which means they’ll have to numb my mouth which means they’ll have to put that needle in my mouth. Oh God, what have I done to you that has made you so angry? I apologize for—

Man, this nurse is really clumsy. I don’t like the way she giggles after every mistake she makes. I don’t like the fact that she’s making so many mistakes. I’m in trouble.

Good, the dentist is here. He’ll be able to set this clumsy nurse straight when he—–why are they flirting? Why is my nurse flirting with my dentist? Did they forget that I’m laying here? HEY! I’m laying here!!!

Do either of them have wedding rings? I swear, if I see one wedding ring, I’m going to scream. I don’t need adulterous hands all up in my mouth space. I’ve already got my own hands in there, and that’s weird enough.

Crap. They’re going to have to numb me. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I hate needles. I hate needles more than I hate–I can’t even think of something I hate more than needles. Crap. CRAAAP! There it is, there’s the needle. OH—

….”

The rest of my thoughts are bad things happening to the nurse and dentist. Most of which I’m not too proud of. I promise I’ll floss, and brush, and keep my pearly whites the whitest.